My personal training diary

My son, for my 50th birthday got me a membership at Parkers Place Total fitness in town and I was really happy he did. I had wanted to do that for a long while now but never had the guts enough to go in and talk to the owner Kevin there. My son tells me that he is a really nice guy. Well, we’ll see.

Monday morning:

Well, my appointment is for 6:30am and boy it was hard to get out of bed today. I got there exactly at 6:30am and Kevin was waiting for me there at the door with the biggest welcoming smile I have ever seen. He put me on the treadmill for a few minutes and asked me questions. He then did a bit of an assessment on me and I got to find out how to use all the machines and how weak I really am. Boy, my son was right Kevin is a pretty cool guy.


Tuesday Morning:

This morning I drank a whole pot of coffee just to wake up and just got to the gym with a minute to spare. Kevin had me on the treadmill today and my legs felt very wobbly. Today he had me on there for 15 minutes and something strange started to happen, I began to get this strange sensation and my body began to get warm. I went to take off my sweat shirt and he told me not to. Did he not understand I was uncomfortable? After 15 minutes he had me lay down in this bench he called an Olympic Bench and push up this very heavy bar. I was proud that I was able to do that… then he puts weights on it!!! Then he wanted me to do some seated squats. I did 25 of them and felt great! Kevin really provided me with motivation today. This is my new life now, I’m stoked!

Wednesday Morning:

Shaving, brushing my teeth, washing my hair and using the rest room have now become dreadful options. I woke up this morning and felt as though a semi had hit me. I figured out that if I put my tooth brush down on the counter and then bring my teeth down to the brush it was less painful. Aren’t beards in now anyway? Driving to work was ok as long as I did not steer or have to make sudden stops. I never knew I had those muscles before. I think I ran over the curve when I got to work and I didn’t care.

When I got to the gym Kevin was upset with me because he told me that I need to stop yelling and making so much noise… and I haven’t even started the workout yet. His smile today was looking very devious. Goodness I am beginning to hate that smile. And why does he always say, “Enjoy!”? There is very little enjoyment in what I am doing. My legs hurt so much that Kevin decided to put me on the stair “monster” to warm up. Kevin tells me that it is an alternative to the treadmill. Why do I need to use that when most buildings I go into have elevators? Isn’t every day leg day?

Thursday Morning:

I pulled up hoping that Kevin wasn’t there. Yup… there he is with that shit-eating-grin on his face. I swear if he says the word “enjoy” to me today I’m going to punch him. Wait I can’t, I can’t lift my arms above my hips. It took me 20 minutes to get my sneakers on and I think I almost cramped up. I really think I am going to hate Wednesday’s. He kept telling me the Wednesday is leg day. I think he is trying to kill me.

Friday Morning:

I really don’t like Kevin right now. He is a very evil man. This morning my legs hurt so much that I could not walk down a flight of stairs without holding onto the railings. Sitting on the toilet is no longer an option at this point. Thank God I don’t drive a stick shift car. I’m thinking that ibuprofen is going to be my best friend today.
Today that jerk wants me to work my arms. Haven’t I been doing that all along? He says that today is tricept and bicept day. They look perfectly fine to me, just leave them alone! That jerk told me to get on the treadmill to loosen up my legs and when I got on it, 2 minutes later I fell off and ran into the other Personal Trainer there. All she did was laugh, pick me up and put me back on the treadmill. This is truly an evil place.

Saturday Morning:

This morning, after yesterdays work out, my arms were so sore that I could not change the channel on the television and ended up watching the weather channel until I had to leave to go get weighed in. I was 30 minutes late because I had to use my life alert button to get someone to get me out of bed and dress me.
Well I did weigh in and low and behold I lost 11 pounds! WOW! Kevin, that Sadistic Personal Touchier, must know what he is doing, he gave me Sunday off and I need it. Back to the grind on Monday!