My wife calls me into the computer room at our house and says that she wants me to read something my son had just finished writing for school. She seemed really excited about it so I felt as though I needed to read it. The paper he wrote had the title “Childhood Obesity” and as soon as I saw that it caught my attention.
The first sentence jumped out at me. It was really powerful. It said, “Parents are slowly killing their children.” Wow, what a way to hit adults between the eyes. Out of the mouth of Babes comes the truth. I have never had a talk with him about this nor had he ever spoken to me about how he really felt about this subject. In his second paragraph his opening sentence was, “Parents are to blame for childhood obesity because of what they teach their children during the first years of life.” How true is this?
During the first five years of your child’s life is when they learn the most about you. You are around them all day and most of the night. You are telling them what to do and how to do it. They are learning their right and wrong from you. So imagine if you, as the parent, are clueless what you will be bringing up.
I was at a water park a few weeks back and I was sitting by the pool area with my ten year old daughter just people watching and along came this couple and sat right beside us and we drummed up a brief conversation. Well no more than a few seconds into the conversation the guy started using words that I thought were not appropriate for young ears to hear and I asked him to chill-out as well as his wife but he kept on sucking down his beer and thinking it was funny. This guy turns to his wife and says, “He sooner or later they will all hear this stuff anyway so what’s the big deal.” At that his wife got out of the pool and walked away and he followed. While sitting there in this awkward moment I was trying to find some teachable moment and did not want the time to go by. Then she looks at me and asks me, “Is that what alcohol does to a person daddy?” I said, “Absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt. It really messes you up and that is why your mother and I don’t drink.”
In this paper my son wrote it talked about our appearance and how they only see what they see. He says that we can talk to them until we are blue in the face but in the end it is our actions that speak louder than anything else. If we eat bad food and drink bad drinks they will think that it is ok to do the same. Hey what is good enough for mommy and daddy should be good enough for me, right? If we ourselves are obese and in poor condition, well it must be OK because mom and dad are that way, right? If my parents come home and watch television all night, isn’t that Ok then? Our children are only splitting images of who we are threw and threw.
In his paper he quotes Michelle Zive how wrote the book “Parents should play a role in fighting Childhood obesity”. In this his book Zive states, “It is critical that parent’s model and practice those eating habits that they want their juveniles to learn.” Does this need to be explained, I think not. We need to model what our kids should grow up to be period. We need to fight the obesity first with ourselves then even without you trying our kids will join suit.
I am proud of my son and the paper he wrote. It is good to know that all that my wife has been preaching and all we have been actually doing is sticking and not going on deaf ears. My hopes are that your children feel the same way and that my son’s first statement never comes true. Let’s not slowly kill our children but make them stronger and faster than we were and have ever been. First we need to start with us.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Being a Parent
John walks into my office one day and he is visibly upset. John tells me that he is both concerned and upset with his son. He tells me that his son has been very lazy and his son, in the last few months, has gain a lot of weight. He tells me that every time he tells his son to do something it always ends up in a fight and he is just sick and tired of fighting with him. While John was tell me all of this I just kept my mouth shut because, well, it sounded like how I felt about John.
I remember seeing his son just a few days prior to John coming into my office and I remember telling myself that he was beginning to look like his father. I think John is beginning to realize that too subconsciously and just not aware of it consciously.
Sharon has been a smoker her whole life and after smoking for over forty years her doctor tells her that she has some spots on her lungs that need looking at. Now she is fifty four years old and for years she has been preaching to her kids not to start smoking. Well one day while going thru her daughter’s room she finds a pack of cigarettes and she gets very upset. Sharon tells me that she has told her daughter on so many occasions not to start because it is a bad habit with no really good benefits. Sharon’s daughter is fourteen years of age.
Mike has been a member of my gym for a few years now and his resume is extensive. Since he was six years old he has been into athletics and healthy eating and it shows. He is forty eight years old but looks like he could be early thirties. He tells me that everywhere he goes now he looks for alternative ways to keep himself in shape and always prepares for that next competition. One day while at church I see Mike with his kids. I knew that we were going to be a long while at the church and I was wondering what he would have his children doing while they were with him.
At first I see them just sitting in the pews reading but after about thirty minutes of that they began to well, act like kids and at first it was fine with me but then he did something that I thought was very cool. He gets up from his seat and goes over to them. I could see him telling them something and he is pointing at the stairs. As soon as he finishes I see his kids begin running the stadium stairs. Just not once but each isle seven times. Wow! I asked him why he had them do that and he said because they are getting ready to get into their track season and need the extra time to get in better condition and what better time to do it but now instead of get in trouble. Now when you consider that each isle is three stories high and there are eight isles and they are running each isle seven times, you do the math, it is over one hundred flights of stairs. For the rest of rehearsal his kids were no problem and they finished just as we finished our practice. Then I saw something even cooler, I saw Mike begin to run the stairs just like his kids did. That next week I brought my kids and you know what happened next.
After John was finished airing out his frustration I sat with him for a few minutes not saying anything and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you have anything to say? What should I do?” I looked at him and smiled. I asked him to follow me out to the all purpose room where all the mirrors were. We stood right in the middle of the floor and I said, “For a few months now everything that I have tried to get you to do to better yourself his fallen on deaf ears. You always seem to have an excuse on why you can’t do certain things or you find some sort of an alternative because in the end you think my way is too difficult for you to accomplish. For the last month I have not even seen you here. I am not shocked that your son is acting like he is.” Then I stopped and had him face the mirrors. “You see that person in the mirror? That is who your son WILL turn out to be. Mike it starts with you. You cannot tell your son to do something if you are not willing to do it yourself, period. Our kids are only and extension of ourselves. So as long as you are the way you are and as long as you want it YOUR way and as long as you continue in the life style you are in, well nothing will change but one thing, your frustration level. Mike it starts with you.”
He looks at me shocked at what I just said. “What do I have to do with my son and his attitude? I was never that way when I was his age.”
“I don’t doubt that Mike. But you are that way now and that is all he knows” I responded.
He walks out of the room and out of the gym. I have not seen him since. Mike is leading by example, unfortunately.
After listening to Sharon for a while I stop her and ask her a question, “Hey when did you start smoking?” her response was, “Well when I was fourteen and this is why I am so concerned. You see what is happening with me now.”
“Yes I do and I am not happy about it, however, have you confronted your daughter about this?”
Of course she said “no” but that she was going to talk to her tonight. I asked her to do something for me. “Instead of confronting her and causing a scene tell her about your personal issues and what is now happening to you and ask her to help you stop smoking. Don’t even bring up the fact that you found those cigarettes in her room. Ask her to help to keep you accountable because you cannot do it by yourself.”
Well, Sharon and I parted company and I thought that I would never see her again but something happened. Six months later I see Sharon in a Mall walking around with her daughter and she tells me that my method worked like a charm. Not just for Sharon but without her saying anything her daughter quit the habit. Sharon is leading by example.
When Mike was in high school he became an All American in track and field and well his oldest son is on his way to becoming that also. His oldest son is a freshman this year and he is running Varsity Track and he is one of the fastest kids not just on the track team but in the conference and state. Mike has lead by example and it is showing.
It really stinks to be a parent because, who we are our kids will someday be. How we act around others our children will emulate. We lead by example and not by our words. Our kids don’t know any other way to act but how they see us act. We need to fix ourselves first before we can fix them or lead them in the right way. If you are a drinker and they start, don’t get mad at them but if you don’t like it you stop and soon enough they will also.
I remember one day when I was driving my oldest son to soccer practice and he tells me that he can’t wait until he is twenty one because then he can start drinking. Now I was really surprised to hear that from him because I don’t drink. But after questioning his statement he tells me, “ Dad, mom drinks so why can’t I try it.” I told her about this conversation we had and since then she has not touched a drop of alcohol. A few months later, while in the car with him, he tells me that he has reconsidered and doesn’t think that it is wise for him to drink.
If you don’t want your kids to turn out like you are today. If you want your kids to be in much better shape than you are in right now. If you don’t want your kids to grow up obese, then it starts with you. Show them and get yourself into condition and they will follow your lead. Parents the future of our children are dependent on who we are today. If you don’t like it… then change it.
I remember seeing his son just a few days prior to John coming into my office and I remember telling myself that he was beginning to look like his father. I think John is beginning to realize that too subconsciously and just not aware of it consciously.
Sharon has been a smoker her whole life and after smoking for over forty years her doctor tells her that she has some spots on her lungs that need looking at. Now she is fifty four years old and for years she has been preaching to her kids not to start smoking. Well one day while going thru her daughter’s room she finds a pack of cigarettes and she gets very upset. Sharon tells me that she has told her daughter on so many occasions not to start because it is a bad habit with no really good benefits. Sharon’s daughter is fourteen years of age.
Mike has been a member of my gym for a few years now and his resume is extensive. Since he was six years old he has been into athletics and healthy eating and it shows. He is forty eight years old but looks like he could be early thirties. He tells me that everywhere he goes now he looks for alternative ways to keep himself in shape and always prepares for that next competition. One day while at church I see Mike with his kids. I knew that we were going to be a long while at the church and I was wondering what he would have his children doing while they were with him.
At first I see them just sitting in the pews reading but after about thirty minutes of that they began to well, act like kids and at first it was fine with me but then he did something that I thought was very cool. He gets up from his seat and goes over to them. I could see him telling them something and he is pointing at the stairs. As soon as he finishes I see his kids begin running the stadium stairs. Just not once but each isle seven times. Wow! I asked him why he had them do that and he said because they are getting ready to get into their track season and need the extra time to get in better condition and what better time to do it but now instead of get in trouble. Now when you consider that each isle is three stories high and there are eight isles and they are running each isle seven times, you do the math, it is over one hundred flights of stairs. For the rest of rehearsal his kids were no problem and they finished just as we finished our practice. Then I saw something even cooler, I saw Mike begin to run the stairs just like his kids did. That next week I brought my kids and you know what happened next.
After John was finished airing out his frustration I sat with him for a few minutes not saying anything and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you have anything to say? What should I do?” I looked at him and smiled. I asked him to follow me out to the all purpose room where all the mirrors were. We stood right in the middle of the floor and I said, “For a few months now everything that I have tried to get you to do to better yourself his fallen on deaf ears. You always seem to have an excuse on why you can’t do certain things or you find some sort of an alternative because in the end you think my way is too difficult for you to accomplish. For the last month I have not even seen you here. I am not shocked that your son is acting like he is.” Then I stopped and had him face the mirrors. “You see that person in the mirror? That is who your son WILL turn out to be. Mike it starts with you. You cannot tell your son to do something if you are not willing to do it yourself, period. Our kids are only and extension of ourselves. So as long as you are the way you are and as long as you want it YOUR way and as long as you continue in the life style you are in, well nothing will change but one thing, your frustration level. Mike it starts with you.”
He looks at me shocked at what I just said. “What do I have to do with my son and his attitude? I was never that way when I was his age.”
“I don’t doubt that Mike. But you are that way now and that is all he knows” I responded.
He walks out of the room and out of the gym. I have not seen him since. Mike is leading by example, unfortunately.
After listening to Sharon for a while I stop her and ask her a question, “Hey when did you start smoking?” her response was, “Well when I was fourteen and this is why I am so concerned. You see what is happening with me now.”
“Yes I do and I am not happy about it, however, have you confronted your daughter about this?”
Of course she said “no” but that she was going to talk to her tonight. I asked her to do something for me. “Instead of confronting her and causing a scene tell her about your personal issues and what is now happening to you and ask her to help you stop smoking. Don’t even bring up the fact that you found those cigarettes in her room. Ask her to help to keep you accountable because you cannot do it by yourself.”
Well, Sharon and I parted company and I thought that I would never see her again but something happened. Six months later I see Sharon in a Mall walking around with her daughter and she tells me that my method worked like a charm. Not just for Sharon but without her saying anything her daughter quit the habit. Sharon is leading by example.
When Mike was in high school he became an All American in track and field and well his oldest son is on his way to becoming that also. His oldest son is a freshman this year and he is running Varsity Track and he is one of the fastest kids not just on the track team but in the conference and state. Mike has lead by example and it is showing.
It really stinks to be a parent because, who we are our kids will someday be. How we act around others our children will emulate. We lead by example and not by our words. Our kids don’t know any other way to act but how they see us act. We need to fix ourselves first before we can fix them or lead them in the right way. If you are a drinker and they start, don’t get mad at them but if you don’t like it you stop and soon enough they will also.
I remember one day when I was driving my oldest son to soccer practice and he tells me that he can’t wait until he is twenty one because then he can start drinking. Now I was really surprised to hear that from him because I don’t drink. But after questioning his statement he tells me, “ Dad, mom drinks so why can’t I try it.” I told her about this conversation we had and since then she has not touched a drop of alcohol. A few months later, while in the car with him, he tells me that he has reconsidered and doesn’t think that it is wise for him to drink.
If you don’t want your kids to turn out like you are today. If you want your kids to be in much better shape than you are in right now. If you don’t want your kids to grow up obese, then it starts with you. Show them and get yourself into condition and they will follow your lead. Parents the future of our children are dependent on who we are today. If you don’t like it… then change it.
My Penn Relay expereince
Its 4/28/2011 and 6:15pm and I am sitting in the airport wait to board my flight to Philly to run in the Penn Relays. So many years prior I ran in this meet and never really appreciated it for what it was. Just three weeks ago if you had asked me if I was going to run in this event I would probably said absolutely not. I had no intention in running in this meet. I was going to wait until I was 50 years of age where I would be the youngest in that age group.
Then in the beginning of March I went to visit my mother and father. It was good to see them but not in the condition my mother was in. Cancer has really taken a big time toll on her body and she is in a lot of pain and always sleeping because of the medication they have her on. My mom and Dad have done so much for my sister and I that I felt as though I just needed to do something for them. In that same week my mother had to quit her dance troop and quit the track team. The two things that she loved to do the most and looked forward to doing while in retirement but now she was physically unable to continue and she made that hard decision to resign in both things. This was a very hard thing for her to do and I could feel her sadness. Just staying alive was all she could do and I felt helpless watching her suffer as she was.
Then three days into my visit with them I got an idea. My concern was giving my mother something to look forward to. To give her hope and reason to fight and live so I began talking to her about my kids and how well my oldest son was doing in Track and Field and she began to cry. “I am so proud of you and your kids. You all give me the fuel to keep going even when I just want to give up.” For three hours, while she was awake, we talked and cried and talked some more. Then about three hours later she fell back asleep in her chair. A few moments later I get a text from a friend asking me if I was going to run in the Penn’s this year and at first I was going to text him back, “absolutely not” but then I thought about it some more and asked myself, “ why not run in the Penn Relays?” This could be the last track event my mother may see me in.
I have been running everyday and in Wisconsin any way I have not lost a race and was looking for a higher caliber of competition so why not. I decided on that day that I would begin my preparation for the event. The only problem was, I was not invited and did not fill out an application as of that date. I immediately got onto my computer and went online and, well what do I see here, an email from the director of the meet asking me if I would like to attend this year’s one hundred meter race. Well you don’t have to hit me over the head with a two by four I replied back by filling out the application and emailing it to him.
Now I still did not get my hopes up because they only take the elite runners. The runners who are ranked in their age group and most likely in the world are usually the only ones that get to compete at this event. I knew I had a really good indoor Champaign, I was number one indoors at that time in the 55 meters, running a pretty quick time, but that doesn’t guarantee that I was going to get in. Well now it is a waiting game.
A few hours later, well six to be exact, my mother wakes up and she looks up at me from her chair, “What’s up Kevin? You have very big smile on your face. What did you do now?”
“Actually I did nothing wrong but there is something that I am going to do and for you.” I said to her.
“What?” she said to me trying to lift up to relieve the pain in her lower back.
“What if I said I was running in the Penn Relays, would you go?”
All of a sudden her whole demeanor changed. She began to smile and tried to lift herself out of the chair. “You made the Penn’s! That is great! Of course I would go! I am so proud of you!”
The energy now that she had reminded me of the mother I use to know. The fire was back in her eyes and her voice was now not cracking but filled with energy and hope. I know I had just put my application in but I just could not bring myself to telling her that I had not been accepted yet. I did not want her to loss hope or a reason to continue and fight. “Oh lord I pray that I make it.”
However I wasn’t going to wait for the acceptance I began my work outs as though I had been accepted and was running in them.
Now it’s the day before the big event at 6:15pm and I am at the airport. My workouts were ok but not the best. Just two weeks ago I strained my left hamstring. I stopped in enough time not to pull it but it really put a damper on my preparation. It was kind of a weird injury though. I could still run and while running I had no pain. However stretching on it was and is very hard. I was afraid to go all out and work speed but when I did I would feel a little twinge and I would have to stop. Then just the other day while doing block work, I tweaked my lower back and had a problem just standing up. This problem ended me in the Chiropractors office. Then at that same time my neck has begun to hurt. Is this nerves? I don’t know. All I know is this, I am doing this for my mother and father. I don’t want to do this… I need to do this.
Then in the beginning of March I went to visit my mother and father. It was good to see them but not in the condition my mother was in. Cancer has really taken a big time toll on her body and she is in a lot of pain and always sleeping because of the medication they have her on. My mom and Dad have done so much for my sister and I that I felt as though I just needed to do something for them. In that same week my mother had to quit her dance troop and quit the track team. The two things that she loved to do the most and looked forward to doing while in retirement but now she was physically unable to continue and she made that hard decision to resign in both things. This was a very hard thing for her to do and I could feel her sadness. Just staying alive was all she could do and I felt helpless watching her suffer as she was.
Then three days into my visit with them I got an idea. My concern was giving my mother something to look forward to. To give her hope and reason to fight and live so I began talking to her about my kids and how well my oldest son was doing in Track and Field and she began to cry. “I am so proud of you and your kids. You all give me the fuel to keep going even when I just want to give up.” For three hours, while she was awake, we talked and cried and talked some more. Then about three hours later she fell back asleep in her chair. A few moments later I get a text from a friend asking me if I was going to run in the Penn’s this year and at first I was going to text him back, “absolutely not” but then I thought about it some more and asked myself, “ why not run in the Penn Relays?” This could be the last track event my mother may see me in.
I have been running everyday and in Wisconsin any way I have not lost a race and was looking for a higher caliber of competition so why not. I decided on that day that I would begin my preparation for the event. The only problem was, I was not invited and did not fill out an application as of that date. I immediately got onto my computer and went online and, well what do I see here, an email from the director of the meet asking me if I would like to attend this year’s one hundred meter race. Well you don’t have to hit me over the head with a two by four I replied back by filling out the application and emailing it to him.
Now I still did not get my hopes up because they only take the elite runners. The runners who are ranked in their age group and most likely in the world are usually the only ones that get to compete at this event. I knew I had a really good indoor Champaign, I was number one indoors at that time in the 55 meters, running a pretty quick time, but that doesn’t guarantee that I was going to get in. Well now it is a waiting game.
A few hours later, well six to be exact, my mother wakes up and she looks up at me from her chair, “What’s up Kevin? You have very big smile on your face. What did you do now?”
“Actually I did nothing wrong but there is something that I am going to do and for you.” I said to her.
“What?” she said to me trying to lift up to relieve the pain in her lower back.
“What if I said I was running in the Penn Relays, would you go?”
All of a sudden her whole demeanor changed. She began to smile and tried to lift herself out of the chair. “You made the Penn’s! That is great! Of course I would go! I am so proud of you!”
The energy now that she had reminded me of the mother I use to know. The fire was back in her eyes and her voice was now not cracking but filled with energy and hope. I know I had just put my application in but I just could not bring myself to telling her that I had not been accepted yet. I did not want her to loss hope or a reason to continue and fight. “Oh lord I pray that I make it.”
However I wasn’t going to wait for the acceptance I began my work outs as though I had been accepted and was running in them.
Now it’s the day before the big event at 6:15pm and I am at the airport. My workouts were ok but not the best. Just two weeks ago I strained my left hamstring. I stopped in enough time not to pull it but it really put a damper on my preparation. It was kind of a weird injury though. I could still run and while running I had no pain. However stretching on it was and is very hard. I was afraid to go all out and work speed but when I did I would feel a little twinge and I would have to stop. Then just the other day while doing block work, I tweaked my lower back and had a problem just standing up. This problem ended me in the Chiropractors office. Then at that same time my neck has begun to hurt. Is this nerves? I don’t know. All I know is this, I am doing this for my mother and father. I don’t want to do this… I need to do this.
Being a Parent
John walks into my office one day and he is visibly upset. John tells me that he is both concerned and upset with his son. He tells me that his son has been very lazy and his son, in the last few months, has gain a lot of weight. He tells me that every time he tells his son to do something it always ends up in a fight and he is just sick and tired of fighting with him. While John was tell me all of this I just kept my mouth shut because, well, it sounded like how I felt about John.
I remember seeing his son just a few days prior to John coming into my office and I remember telling myself that he was beginning to look like his father. I think John is beginning to realize that too subconsciously and just not aware of it consciously.
Sharon has been a smoker her whole life and after smoking for over forty years her doctor tells her that she has some spots on her lungs that need looking at. Now she is fifty four years old and for years she has been preaching to her kids not to start smoking. Well one day while going thru her daughter’s room she finds a pack of cigarettes and she gets very upset. Sharon tells me that she has told her daughter on so many occasions not to start because it is a bad habit with no really good benefits. Sharon’s daughter is fourteen years of age.
Mike has been a member of my gym for a few years now and his resume is extensive. Since he was six years old he has been into athletics and healthy eating and it shows. He is forty eight years old but looks like he could be early thirties. He tells me that everywhere he goes now he looks for alternative ways to keep himself in shape and always prepares for that next competition. One day while at church I see Mike with his kids. I knew that we were going to be a long while at the church and I was wondering what he would have his children doing while they were with him.
At first I see them just sitting in the pews reading but after about thirty minutes of that they began to well, act like kids and at first it was fine with me but then he did something that I thought was very cool. He gets up from his seat and goes over to them. I could see him telling them something and he is pointing at the stairs. As soon as he finishes I see his kids begin running the stadium stairs. Just not once but each isle seven times. Wow! I asked him why he had them do that and he said because they are getting ready to get into their track season and need the extra time to get in better condition and what better time to do it but now instead of get in trouble. Now when you consider that each isle is three stories high and there are eight isles and they are running each isle seven times, you do the math, it is over one hundred flights of stairs. For the rest of rehearsal his kids were no problem and they finished just as we finished our practice. Then I saw something even cooler, I saw Mike begin to run the stairs just like his kids did. That next week I brought my kids and you know what happened next.
After John was finished airing out his frustration I sat with him for a few minutes not saying anything and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you have anything to say? What should I do?” I looked at him and smiled. I asked him to follow me out to the all purpose room where all the mirrors were. We stood right in the middle of the floor and I said, “For a few months now everything that I have tried to get you to do to better yourself his fallen on deaf ears. You always seem to have an excuse on why you can’t do certain things or you find some sort of an alternative because in the end you think my way is too difficult for you to accomplish. For the last month I have not even seen you here. I am not shocked that your son is acting like he is.” Then I stopped and had him face the mirrors. “You see that person in the mirror? That is who your son WILL turn out to be. Mike it starts with you. You cannot tell your son to do something if you are not willing to do it yourself, period. Our kids are only and extension of ourselves. So as long as you are the way you are and as long as you want it YOUR way and as long as you continue in the life style you are in, well nothing will change but one thing, your frustration level. Mike it starts with you.”
He looks at me shocked at what I just said. “What do I have to do with my son and his attitude? I was never that way when I was his age.”
“I don’t doubt that Mike. But you are that way now and that is all he knows” I responded.
He walks out of the room and out of the gym. I have not seen him since. Mike is leading by example, unfortunately.
After listening to Sharon for a while I stop her and ask her a question, “Hey when did you start smoking?” her response was, “Well when I was fourteen and this is why I am so concerned. You see what is happening with me now.”
“Yes I do and I am not happy about it, however, have you confronted your daughter about this?”
Of course she said “no” but that she was going to talk to her tonight. I asked her to do something for me. “Instead of confronting her and causing a scene tell her about your personal issues and what is now happening to you and ask her to help you stop smoking. Don’t even bring up the fact that you found those cigarettes in her room. Ask her to help to keep you accountable because you cannot do it by yourself.”
Well, Sharon and I parted company and I thought that I would never see her again but something happened. Six months later I see Sharon in a Mall walking around with her daughter and she tells me that my method worked like a charm. Not just for Sharon but without her saying anything her daughter quit the habit. Sharon is leading by example.
When Mike was in high school he became an All American in track and field and well his oldest son is on his way to becoming that also. His oldest son is a freshman this year and he is running Varsity Track and he is one of the fastest kids not just on the track team but in the conference and state. Mike has lead by example and it is showing.
It really stinks to be a parent because, who we are our kids will someday be. How we act around others our children will emulate. We lead by example and not by our words. Our kids don’t know any other way to act but how they see us act. We need to fix ourselves first before we can fix them or lead them in the right way. If you are a drinker and they start, don’t get mad at them but if you don’t like it you stop and soon enough they will also.
I remember one day when I was driving my oldest son to soccer practice and he tells me that he can’t wait until he is twenty one because then he can start drinking. Now I was really surprised to hear that from him because I don’t drink. But after questioning his statement he tells me, “ Dad, mom drinks so why can’t I try it.” I told her about this conversation we had and since then she has not touched a drop of alcohol. A few months later, while in the car with him, he tells me that he has reconsidered and doesn’t think that it is wise for him to drink.
If you don’t want your kids to turn out like you are today. If you want your kids to be in much better shape than you are in right now. If you don’t want your kids to grow up obese, then it starts with you. Show them and get yourself into condition and they will follow your lead. Parents the future of our children are dependent on who we are today. If you don’t like it… then change it.
I remember seeing his son just a few days prior to John coming into my office and I remember telling myself that he was beginning to look like his father. I think John is beginning to realize that too subconsciously and just not aware of it consciously.
Sharon has been a smoker her whole life and after smoking for over forty years her doctor tells her that she has some spots on her lungs that need looking at. Now she is fifty four years old and for years she has been preaching to her kids not to start smoking. Well one day while going thru her daughter’s room she finds a pack of cigarettes and she gets very upset. Sharon tells me that she has told her daughter on so many occasions not to start because it is a bad habit with no really good benefits. Sharon’s daughter is fourteen years of age.
Mike has been a member of my gym for a few years now and his resume is extensive. Since he was six years old he has been into athletics and healthy eating and it shows. He is forty eight years old but looks like he could be early thirties. He tells me that everywhere he goes now he looks for alternative ways to keep himself in shape and always prepares for that next competition. One day while at church I see Mike with his kids. I knew that we were going to be a long while at the church and I was wondering what he would have his children doing while they were with him.
At first I see them just sitting in the pews reading but after about thirty minutes of that they began to well, act like kids and at first it was fine with me but then he did something that I thought was very cool. He gets up from his seat and goes over to them. I could see him telling them something and he is pointing at the stairs. As soon as he finishes I see his kids begin running the stadium stairs. Just not once but each isle seven times. Wow! I asked him why he had them do that and he said because they are getting ready to get into their track season and need the extra time to get in better condition and what better time to do it but now instead of get in trouble. Now when you consider that each isle is three stories high and there are eight isles and they are running each isle seven times, you do the math, it is over one hundred flights of stairs. For the rest of rehearsal his kids were no problem and they finished just as we finished our practice. Then I saw something even cooler, I saw Mike begin to run the stairs just like his kids did. That next week I brought my kids and you know what happened next.
After John was finished airing out his frustration I sat with him for a few minutes not saying anything and he looks at me and says, “Don’t you have anything to say? What should I do?” I looked at him and smiled. I asked him to follow me out to the all purpose room where all the mirrors were. We stood right in the middle of the floor and I said, “For a few months now everything that I have tried to get you to do to better yourself his fallen on deaf ears. You always seem to have an excuse on why you can’t do certain things or you find some sort of an alternative because in the end you think my way is too difficult for you to accomplish. For the last month I have not even seen you here. I am not shocked that your son is acting like he is.” Then I stopped and had him face the mirrors. “You see that person in the mirror? That is who your son WILL turn out to be. Mike it starts with you. You cannot tell your son to do something if you are not willing to do it yourself, period. Our kids are only and extension of ourselves. So as long as you are the way you are and as long as you want it YOUR way and as long as you continue in the life style you are in, well nothing will change but one thing, your frustration level. Mike it starts with you.”
He looks at me shocked at what I just said. “What do I have to do with my son and his attitude? I was never that way when I was his age.”
“I don’t doubt that Mike. But you are that way now and that is all he knows” I responded.
He walks out of the room and out of the gym. I have not seen him since. Mike is leading by example, unfortunately.
After listening to Sharon for a while I stop her and ask her a question, “Hey when did you start smoking?” her response was, “Well when I was fourteen and this is why I am so concerned. You see what is happening with me now.”
“Yes I do and I am not happy about it, however, have you confronted your daughter about this?”
Of course she said “no” but that she was going to talk to her tonight. I asked her to do something for me. “Instead of confronting her and causing a scene tell her about your personal issues and what is now happening to you and ask her to help you stop smoking. Don’t even bring up the fact that you found those cigarettes in her room. Ask her to help to keep you accountable because you cannot do it by yourself.”
Well, Sharon and I parted company and I thought that I would never see her again but something happened. Six months later I see Sharon in a Mall walking around with her daughter and she tells me that my method worked like a charm. Not just for Sharon but without her saying anything her daughter quit the habit. Sharon is leading by example.
When Mike was in high school he became an All American in track and field and well his oldest son is on his way to becoming that also. His oldest son is a freshman this year and he is running Varsity Track and he is one of the fastest kids not just on the track team but in the conference and state. Mike has lead by example and it is showing.
It really stinks to be a parent because, who we are our kids will someday be. How we act around others our children will emulate. We lead by example and not by our words. Our kids don’t know any other way to act but how they see us act. We need to fix ourselves first before we can fix them or lead them in the right way. If you are a drinker and they start, don’t get mad at them but if you don’t like it you stop and soon enough they will also.
I remember one day when I was driving my oldest son to soccer practice and he tells me that he can’t wait until he is twenty one because then he can start drinking. Now I was really surprised to hear that from him because I don’t drink. But after questioning his statement he tells me, “ Dad, mom drinks so why can’t I try it.” I told her about this conversation we had and since then she has not touched a drop of alcohol. A few months later, while in the car with him, he tells me that he has reconsidered and doesn’t think that it is wise for him to drink.
If you don’t want your kids to turn out like you are today. If you want your kids to be in much better shape than you are in right now. If you don’t want your kids to grow up obese, then it starts with you. Show them and get yourself into condition and they will follow your lead. Parents the future of our children are dependent on who we are today. If you don’t like it… then change it.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Valid concern but don't worry
I have thought about this for a long time and I think I may just have an explanation. Many of my female members have asked me a question that I want to address and that is what happens to men as they get older? At one point when they are in High School and even into College they are active and in some cases very sports oriented. While back in the day you remember your husband being fit and trim and let’s admit it ladies you were attracted to him because of that. You probably say to yourself, “What happened to that man that I once knew and loved to look at?” So you have taken it upon yourself to mention to him that he may need to go to the gym and workout… hint, hint, hint and all through this process of nagging him he rebels and in most cases ignores you. Well let me see if I can shed some light on this issue.
Besides the obvious physiological things that happen to us as we age there is something else that we have tend to over looked. As I have written in the past, what is important to a person, they will concentrate on and become successful at. I have also stated on many occasions that without a clear cut objective and goal any efforts will be futile at best and very short lived. With that said, back in the days when you were dating your husband he might have been on some sports team like track and field, football, soccer, swimming, rugby, baseball or even tennis and at that time their focus was on one thing… winning and becoming the best at their sport. They wanted to see their name in lights so they spent countless hours practicing and sweating. Sports were their motivation at that time and because of that they were fit and trim.
Now you are asking yourself, what happened? Well it is simple and not an excuse… life. Yes, most men have gone from thinking about themselves and achieving goals for themselves to becoming the provider of the family and satisfying the needs associated there. Their whole world has changed from self centered to family centered. It’s what men do, they provide for their families and because of that what use to be takes a back seat. Yes, that means at the end of the day they will gain unwanted weight and they will lose there once sculpted bodies.
Now with that said, women are very sensitive about their environment and especially their health and the health of their family. I can see where a wife would become concerned about her husband’s health especially if he was very attractive at one point. But ladies look at it this way, once you had children; those kids became the focal point of your life and existence. You put yourself on hold until they were able to pretty much fend for themselves. In some cases for women it is around the time the last child enters kindergarten and then that is if they are not involved in extracurricular activities and in that case then it could be many years before you began to take care of yourself as you once did.
Well if you are taking care of your kids and your husband is taking care of the family now do you understand why he is the way he is. His focus is on providing and not looking fit. Now this does not mean he should use that as an excuse. No quite the contrary. He should be doing something to help himself and by doing that he in turn is helping his family for eternity.
How you may ask. Well, have you heard the saying the apple never falls far from the tree. Well it’s true, very true. Who you are… your kids WILL become. If you are a sedentary, out of shape, diabetic, smoking and drinking person, guess what, so will they become. If you are a go getter with an “A” type personality so will they be. If you are an athletic person and you kept your conditioning up and they see how important it is to you, they will only know that and it will become important to them.
As an example, I had something happen to me that, now that I look back it was funny but in the moment it was actually unnerving. I was officiating an under 14 indoor soccer game and the game was really tight. Everyone just knew that team A was going to beat team B and on paper this should have been a slam dunk for them. In the past I have seen both these teams play and to say the least they knew how to work the officials so that they could get the calls their way. Well I’m sorry but in my years of officiating I have never been persuaded by any one coach and I have sent coaches packing, which I am not happy about doing especially in front of their players. Well what I have learned over the years is that how the coach is so will his players be. If the coach is a quite person only making observations now and then, so will his players be. If the coach is obnoxious and irate, well so will his players be. Now throw in the attitudes of the parents and you can imagine what their little angles are like to be around. I have seen many times when the parents were cursing at the top of their lungs and I can assure you that junior has said or will say something profound by the end of that game.
Well, while officiating this game I made a call on a kid that he did not like and decided that he would tell me his opinion on the issue. After listening to him (a 14 year old) for about three seconds I decided that he needed to have an attitude adjustment and sent him to the bench for the rest of the game. Did in mention that this was a championship game and the game had just started? Well to make a long story short at the end of the game I was approached by his mother and she had a few “nice” words to say to me. After she was done I looked at her and said the following, “I can see the apple has not fallen far from the tree” and I turned around and walked away. My point is this, who we are… our kids will be, so fitness and conditioning should always be on the top of our list even when life seems to get in the way. So to answer the question whether or not you should be worried about your husbands, the answer is a resounding “Yes”. But remember he is doing his primary job at this point, providing for his family.
Besides the obvious physiological things that happen to us as we age there is something else that we have tend to over looked. As I have written in the past, what is important to a person, they will concentrate on and become successful at. I have also stated on many occasions that without a clear cut objective and goal any efforts will be futile at best and very short lived. With that said, back in the days when you were dating your husband he might have been on some sports team like track and field, football, soccer, swimming, rugby, baseball or even tennis and at that time their focus was on one thing… winning and becoming the best at their sport. They wanted to see their name in lights so they spent countless hours practicing and sweating. Sports were their motivation at that time and because of that they were fit and trim.
Now you are asking yourself, what happened? Well it is simple and not an excuse… life. Yes, most men have gone from thinking about themselves and achieving goals for themselves to becoming the provider of the family and satisfying the needs associated there. Their whole world has changed from self centered to family centered. It’s what men do, they provide for their families and because of that what use to be takes a back seat. Yes, that means at the end of the day they will gain unwanted weight and they will lose there once sculpted bodies.
Now with that said, women are very sensitive about their environment and especially their health and the health of their family. I can see where a wife would become concerned about her husband’s health especially if he was very attractive at one point. But ladies look at it this way, once you had children; those kids became the focal point of your life and existence. You put yourself on hold until they were able to pretty much fend for themselves. In some cases for women it is around the time the last child enters kindergarten and then that is if they are not involved in extracurricular activities and in that case then it could be many years before you began to take care of yourself as you once did.
Well if you are taking care of your kids and your husband is taking care of the family now do you understand why he is the way he is. His focus is on providing and not looking fit. Now this does not mean he should use that as an excuse. No quite the contrary. He should be doing something to help himself and by doing that he in turn is helping his family for eternity.
How you may ask. Well, have you heard the saying the apple never falls far from the tree. Well it’s true, very true. Who you are… your kids WILL become. If you are a sedentary, out of shape, diabetic, smoking and drinking person, guess what, so will they become. If you are a go getter with an “A” type personality so will they be. If you are an athletic person and you kept your conditioning up and they see how important it is to you, they will only know that and it will become important to them.
As an example, I had something happen to me that, now that I look back it was funny but in the moment it was actually unnerving. I was officiating an under 14 indoor soccer game and the game was really tight. Everyone just knew that team A was going to beat team B and on paper this should have been a slam dunk for them. In the past I have seen both these teams play and to say the least they knew how to work the officials so that they could get the calls their way. Well I’m sorry but in my years of officiating I have never been persuaded by any one coach and I have sent coaches packing, which I am not happy about doing especially in front of their players. Well what I have learned over the years is that how the coach is so will his players be. If the coach is a quite person only making observations now and then, so will his players be. If the coach is obnoxious and irate, well so will his players be. Now throw in the attitudes of the parents and you can imagine what their little angles are like to be around. I have seen many times when the parents were cursing at the top of their lungs and I can assure you that junior has said or will say something profound by the end of that game.
Well, while officiating this game I made a call on a kid that he did not like and decided that he would tell me his opinion on the issue. After listening to him (a 14 year old) for about three seconds I decided that he needed to have an attitude adjustment and sent him to the bench for the rest of the game. Did in mention that this was a championship game and the game had just started? Well to make a long story short at the end of the game I was approached by his mother and she had a few “nice” words to say to me. After she was done I looked at her and said the following, “I can see the apple has not fallen far from the tree” and I turned around and walked away. My point is this, who we are… our kids will be, so fitness and conditioning should always be on the top of our list even when life seems to get in the way. So to answer the question whether or not you should be worried about your husbands, the answer is a resounding “Yes”. But remember he is doing his primary job at this point, providing for his family.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
1.5 mile run WLC 2011
As spring approaches we find our selves getting busier and busier running around like a chicken with our heads cut off. We, by this time, have losdt our focus on what we thought was so important in the beginning of the year and we don’t even use excuses anymore on why we don’t so things to get in better shape, we just stopped doing it.
Well Saturday just to jump start the Weight Loss Challengers, their task was to run 1.5 miles. This was s flat course and the goal for them was just to finish and finish well. This challenge was done to give them all a bench mark that they can shoot at and improve upon. How many of you still use weight as your fitness goal only to lose some weight and then put that weight back on plus an extra couple of pounds for measure? Well now and for the rest of their challenges my goals is for them to begin to understand that losing weight is a byproduct of them achieving a goal, a tangable goal. Something that at the end of the day can be improved upon. Once that goal, what ever it may be, is achieved then they can shoot for a better faster, quicker, stronger goal and only then will your conditioning and fitness become fun and enjoyable. They are slowly learning that.
Because of the success that they are having outside of thinking about losing weight. Because of the gaols they are achieving by their running and weight training, their weight is dropping and this week was a clear indication of that when everyone of them lost at least 1 pound this week. One of the challengers came up to me this week and said that this has become fun for her because she now knows that she could do certain things that she thought she could never do and by trying new exciting things, her weight is dropping. You all should try it.
Now for you all that think that you are too busy to get yourselves in better condition, hog-wash. I told one of the challengers the other day that it was amazing how we make time for the things that we see are most important to us and not give anytime to the things that either we don’t care about or don’t see the reason why we should improve on them. In most cases as I see it, it is not that you don’t care about your health it is that you just think it is going to be there for you, whenever you need it. Well unfortunately sooner or later for all the abuse you have put your body thru, for all the smoking or drinking you did. For all the hard fun you had (football, Rugby, Basketball, etc), at one point you will have to pay the bill and you know just as well as I, the bill never comes due when you are ready for it, it just comes.
Begin to refocus yourself just as the Weight Loss Challenge people are doing and get back to achieving the goals you set for yourself in January trust me you will thank me in the end.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I DO
Over the past few months my eyes have been open to how powerful those words are and how important family is in a person’s life. I remember when my wife was walking down the aisle and how nervous I was when we were saying our vows. At that time if you were to ask me what I just did I would have probably told you that I just got married but I really had no clue on what that really meant nor what affect it would have on the rest of my life.
In my nineteen years of being married I have come to believe that there are so many deeper aspects to love that, well, until you experience it yourself you have no clue. At first when you get married you are totally “in love” with that person. You just can’t stop being around each other and you have great dreams of a life that will be filled with happiness and very few problems. But as time goes on “love” begins to take on different forms and the definition of love changes from infatuation to commitment.
For those that have gotten married, do we really understand what the words “I DO” really mean? Do you truly understand the depth of just those two words? With my parents and my in-laws I believe I have a bit of a clue on what those words truly mean.
When you look at those two words, the word I is pretty explanatory. It is referring to you in the present and future tense. You are making a statement that is saying that YOU are going to do something and you are aware of and are will to take on the consequences of your actions. That word “I” in itself in the context of marriage is telling the other person that you are fully aware o and are of sound mind and body at the time the vows were spoken.
Then there is the word “DO” and this is an action word referring to you taking on the responsibility to do something in a non-selfish manner. Just look at the phrase “for better or for worse”, whoever put this in the marriage vows was deeper than you think because there is a lot more worse than there is better the closer and closer you get to the end of our lives and this is when that two word response is put to the test.
• When you spouse is suffering from an incurable disease, will you be there to help them thru it (I Do)
• When you’re faced with financial burdens will you both stick thru the hard times when just getting groceries becomes a chore (I Do)
• When you find out that your spouse has had an affair will you forgive them and stay in the marriage (I Do)
• When your kids act up and discipline needs to be given will you both work together to give out the discipline needed (I Do)
• When for whatever reason you or your spouse can no longer perform in an intimate way will you stay with them and love them anyway forsaking all others (I Do)
• When, because of an illness, your spouse keeps you up all night for weeks on end will you love them thru it (I Do)
• When you are away and temptation is all around you will you not give in (I Do)
• When you just don’t “like” that person anymore will you stay with them because of the commitment you made to them (I Do)
• When your spouse isn’t the same person physically you remember in high school that brought you two together will you stay with them (I Do)
I am finding out that as we age and grow older, life and love takes on a new and different meaning, the two become one. Now this is a process that takes years and I mean years to achieve and it is not done easily. Think in these terms; the reasons why most people argue in marriages is because we have our OWN wills and we want to push our will on the other person. We don’t want to give up anything we think or have for that other person. But the longer we are married the more of our will we give up because we begin to find out that in the end does that whatever really matter. Then and only then when we begin to let our will go and begin the process of selflessness do we begin the process of two becoming one. This is something that when you first get married does not exist in any form trust me I know this.
I now see that in both sets of parents. Now life isn’t easy for them. My In-laws are in the final stages of life and my mother-in-law is suffering from Dementia in a big way. They both live in a nursing home and my father-n-law may see his bride, wife of 56 years, maybe twice a week. They live in separate sections of the nursing home and after living in a 2500 square foot home their whole lives together now they have two separate dorm style rooms and no worldly possessions. I asked my Father-n-law if he still loved his wife and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Kevin I love her more now than I ever have loved her before”. Now that is powerful
With my parents, my mother is suffering with major cancer and is fighting for her life. Most of the day now she spends in her chair fast asleep and at night she spends in their room crying because of the pain she is in and every night my father rubs her back until she falls asleep . My dad doesn’t get any more than 2 hours of sleep a night at best now. While I was home I witnessed him in the middle of the night fighting sleep and rubbing her back as she laid there in pain. This went on for hours at a time every night and every night I would watch this happen. Sleeping for him has only become an option, His first priority, my mother and his wife. Just the other day she was in her chair sleeping and he looks at me and says, “There is my wife, there is my wife. I love that lady”. Wow, I was blown away with that statement and it gave me hope and understanding that as bad as it may seem on my end, life does prepare you for the worst.
Hollywood has got it wrong in a big way. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it but marriage is what you can bring to the table for the other person. It takes years for a marriage to grow and it take even more time for you to separate, independent, selfish people to become one. Go to your spouse tonight and look at them and just say, “I do” but this time really mean it.
In my nineteen years of being married I have come to believe that there are so many deeper aspects to love that, well, until you experience it yourself you have no clue. At first when you get married you are totally “in love” with that person. You just can’t stop being around each other and you have great dreams of a life that will be filled with happiness and very few problems. But as time goes on “love” begins to take on different forms and the definition of love changes from infatuation to commitment.
For those that have gotten married, do we really understand what the words “I DO” really mean? Do you truly understand the depth of just those two words? With my parents and my in-laws I believe I have a bit of a clue on what those words truly mean.
When you look at those two words, the word I is pretty explanatory. It is referring to you in the present and future tense. You are making a statement that is saying that YOU are going to do something and you are aware of and are will to take on the consequences of your actions. That word “I” in itself in the context of marriage is telling the other person that you are fully aware o and are of sound mind and body at the time the vows were spoken.
Then there is the word “DO” and this is an action word referring to you taking on the responsibility to do something in a non-selfish manner. Just look at the phrase “for better or for worse”, whoever put this in the marriage vows was deeper than you think because there is a lot more worse than there is better the closer and closer you get to the end of our lives and this is when that two word response is put to the test.
• When you spouse is suffering from an incurable disease, will you be there to help them thru it (I Do)
• When you’re faced with financial burdens will you both stick thru the hard times when just getting groceries becomes a chore (I Do)
• When you find out that your spouse has had an affair will you forgive them and stay in the marriage (I Do)
• When your kids act up and discipline needs to be given will you both work together to give out the discipline needed (I Do)
• When for whatever reason you or your spouse can no longer perform in an intimate way will you stay with them and love them anyway forsaking all others (I Do)
• When, because of an illness, your spouse keeps you up all night for weeks on end will you love them thru it (I Do)
• When you are away and temptation is all around you will you not give in (I Do)
• When you just don’t “like” that person anymore will you stay with them because of the commitment you made to them (I Do)
• When your spouse isn’t the same person physically you remember in high school that brought you two together will you stay with them (I Do)
I am finding out that as we age and grow older, life and love takes on a new and different meaning, the two become one. Now this is a process that takes years and I mean years to achieve and it is not done easily. Think in these terms; the reasons why most people argue in marriages is because we have our OWN wills and we want to push our will on the other person. We don’t want to give up anything we think or have for that other person. But the longer we are married the more of our will we give up because we begin to find out that in the end does that whatever really matter. Then and only then when we begin to let our will go and begin the process of selflessness do we begin the process of two becoming one. This is something that when you first get married does not exist in any form trust me I know this.
I now see that in both sets of parents. Now life isn’t easy for them. My In-laws are in the final stages of life and my mother-in-law is suffering from Dementia in a big way. They both live in a nursing home and my father-n-law may see his bride, wife of 56 years, maybe twice a week. They live in separate sections of the nursing home and after living in a 2500 square foot home their whole lives together now they have two separate dorm style rooms and no worldly possessions. I asked my Father-n-law if he still loved his wife and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Kevin I love her more now than I ever have loved her before”. Now that is powerful
With my parents, my mother is suffering with major cancer and is fighting for her life. Most of the day now she spends in her chair fast asleep and at night she spends in their room crying because of the pain she is in and every night my father rubs her back until she falls asleep . My dad doesn’t get any more than 2 hours of sleep a night at best now. While I was home I witnessed him in the middle of the night fighting sleep and rubbing her back as she laid there in pain. This went on for hours at a time every night and every night I would watch this happen. Sleeping for him has only become an option, His first priority, my mother and his wife. Just the other day she was in her chair sleeping and he looks at me and says, “There is my wife, there is my wife. I love that lady”. Wow, I was blown away with that statement and it gave me hope and understanding that as bad as it may seem on my end, life does prepare you for the worst.
Hollywood has got it wrong in a big way. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it but marriage is what you can bring to the table for the other person. It takes years for a marriage to grow and it take even more time for you to separate, independent, selfish people to become one. Go to your spouse tonight and look at them and just say, “I do” but this time really mean it.
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