I DO

Over the past few months my eyes have been open to how powerful those words are and how important family is in a person’s life. I remember when my wife was walking down the aisle and how nervous I was when we were saying our vows. At that time if you were to ask me what I just did I would have probably told you that I just got married but I really had no clue on what that really meant nor what affect it would have on the rest of my life.
In my nineteen years of being married I have come to believe that there are so many deeper aspects to love that, well, until you experience it yourself you have no clue. At first when you get married you are totally “in love” with that person. You just can’t stop being around each other and you have great dreams of a life that will be filled with happiness and very few problems. But as time goes on “love” begins to take on different forms and the definition of love changes from infatuation to commitment.
For those that have gotten married, do we really understand what the words “I DO” really mean? Do you truly understand the depth of just those two words? With my parents and my in-laws I believe I have a bit of a clue on what those words truly mean.
When you look at those two words, the word I is pretty explanatory. It is referring to you in the present and future tense. You are making a statement that is saying that YOU are going to do something and you are aware of and are will to take on the consequences of your actions. That word “I” in itself in the context of marriage is telling the other person that you are fully aware o and are of sound mind and body at the time the vows were spoken.
Then there is the word “DO” and this is an action word referring to you taking on the responsibility to do something in a non-selfish manner. Just look at the phrase “for better or for worse”, whoever put this in the marriage vows was deeper than you think because there is a lot more worse than there is better the closer and closer you get to the end of our lives and this is when that two word response is put to the test.
• When you spouse is suffering from an incurable disease, will you be there to help them thru it (I Do)
• When you’re faced with financial burdens will you both stick thru the hard times when just getting groceries becomes a chore (I Do)
• When you find out that your spouse has had an affair will you forgive them and stay in the marriage (I Do)
• When your kids act up and discipline needs to be given will you both work together to give out the discipline needed (I Do)
• When for whatever reason you or your spouse can no longer perform in an intimate way will you stay with them and love them anyway forsaking all others (I Do)
• When, because of an illness, your spouse keeps you up all night for weeks on end will you love them thru it (I Do)
• When you are away and temptation is all around you will you not give in (I Do)
• When you just don’t “like” that person anymore will you stay with them because of the commitment you made to them (I Do)
• When your spouse isn’t the same person physically you remember in high school that brought you two together will you stay with them (I Do)
I am finding out that as we age and grow older, life and love takes on a new and different meaning, the two become one. Now this is a process that takes years and I mean years to achieve and it is not done easily. Think in these terms; the reasons why most people argue in marriages is because we have our OWN wills and we want to push our will on the other person. We don’t want to give up anything we think or have for that other person. But the longer we are married the more of our will we give up because we begin to find out that in the end does that whatever really matter. Then and only then when we begin to let our will go and begin the process of selflessness do we begin the process of two becoming one. This is something that when you first get married does not exist in any form trust me I know this.
I now see that in both sets of parents. Now life isn’t easy for them. My In-laws are in the final stages of life and my mother-in-law is suffering from Dementia in a big way. They both live in a nursing home and my father-n-law may see his bride, wife of 56 years, maybe twice a week. They live in separate sections of the nursing home and after living in a 2500 square foot home their whole lives together now they have two separate dorm style rooms and no worldly possessions. I asked my Father-n-law if he still loved his wife and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Kevin I love her more now than I ever have loved her before”. Now that is powerful
With my parents, my mother is suffering with major cancer and is fighting for her life. Most of the day now she spends in her chair fast asleep and at night she spends in their room crying because of the pain she is in and every night my father rubs her back until she falls asleep . My dad doesn’t get any more than 2 hours of sleep a night at best now. While I was home I witnessed him in the middle of the night fighting sleep and rubbing her back as she laid there in pain. This went on for hours at a time every night and every night I would watch this happen. Sleeping for him has only become an option, His first priority, my mother and his wife. Just the other day she was in her chair sleeping and he looks at me and says, “There is my wife, there is my wife. I love that lady”. Wow, I was blown away with that statement and it gave me hope and understanding that as bad as it may seem on my end, life does prepare you for the worst.
Hollywood has got it wrong in a big way. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it but marriage is what you can bring to the table for the other person. It takes years for a marriage to grow and it take even more time for you to separate, independent, selfish people to become one. Go to your spouse tonight and look at them and just say, “I do” but this time really mean it.