I have thought about this for a long time and I think I may just have an explanation. Many of my female members have asked me a question that I want to address and that is what happens to men as they get older? At one point when they are in High School and even into College they are active and in some cases very sports oriented. While back in the day you remember your husband being fit and trim and let’s admit it ladies you were attracted to him because of that. You probably say to yourself, “What happened to that man that I once knew and loved to look at?” So you have taken it upon yourself to mention to him that he may need to go to the gym and workout… hint, hint, hint and all through this process of nagging him he rebels and in most cases ignores you. Well let me see if I can shed some light on this issue.
Besides the obvious physiological things that happen to us as we age there is something else that we have tend to over looked. As I have written in the past, what is important to a person, they will concentrate on and become successful at. I have also stated on many occasions that without a clear cut objective and goal any efforts will be futile at best and very short lived. With that said, back in the days when you were dating your husband he might have been on some sports team like track and field, football, soccer, swimming, rugby, baseball or even tennis and at that time their focus was on one thing… winning and becoming the best at their sport. They wanted to see their name in lights so they spent countless hours practicing and sweating. Sports were their motivation at that time and because of that they were fit and trim.
Now you are asking yourself, what happened? Well it is simple and not an excuse… life. Yes, most men have gone from thinking about themselves and achieving goals for themselves to becoming the provider of the family and satisfying the needs associated there. Their whole world has changed from self centered to family centered. It’s what men do, they provide for their families and because of that what use to be takes a back seat. Yes, that means at the end of the day they will gain unwanted weight and they will lose there once sculpted bodies.
Now with that said, women are very sensitive about their environment and especially their health and the health of their family. I can see where a wife would become concerned about her husband’s health especially if he was very attractive at one point. But ladies look at it this way, once you had children; those kids became the focal point of your life and existence. You put yourself on hold until they were able to pretty much fend for themselves. In some cases for women it is around the time the last child enters kindergarten and then that is if they are not involved in extracurricular activities and in that case then it could be many years before you began to take care of yourself as you once did.
Well if you are taking care of your kids and your husband is taking care of the family now do you understand why he is the way he is. His focus is on providing and not looking fit. Now this does not mean he should use that as an excuse. No quite the contrary. He should be doing something to help himself and by doing that he in turn is helping his family for eternity.
How you may ask. Well, have you heard the saying the apple never falls far from the tree. Well it’s true, very true. Who you are… your kids WILL become. If you are a sedentary, out of shape, diabetic, smoking and drinking person, guess what, so will they become. If you are a go getter with an “A” type personality so will they be. If you are an athletic person and you kept your conditioning up and they see how important it is to you, they will only know that and it will become important to them.
As an example, I had something happen to me that, now that I look back it was funny but in the moment it was actually unnerving. I was officiating an under 14 indoor soccer game and the game was really tight. Everyone just knew that team A was going to beat team B and on paper this should have been a slam dunk for them. In the past I have seen both these teams play and to say the least they knew how to work the officials so that they could get the calls their way. Well I’m sorry but in my years of officiating I have never been persuaded by any one coach and I have sent coaches packing, which I am not happy about doing especially in front of their players. Well what I have learned over the years is that how the coach is so will his players be. If the coach is a quite person only making observations now and then, so will his players be. If the coach is obnoxious and irate, well so will his players be. Now throw in the attitudes of the parents and you can imagine what their little angles are like to be around. I have seen many times when the parents were cursing at the top of their lungs and I can assure you that junior has said or will say something profound by the end of that game.
Well, while officiating this game I made a call on a kid that he did not like and decided that he would tell me his opinion on the issue. After listening to him (a 14 year old) for about three seconds I decided that he needed to have an attitude adjustment and sent him to the bench for the rest of the game. Did in mention that this was a championship game and the game had just started? Well to make a long story short at the end of the game I was approached by his mother and she had a few “nice” words to say to me. After she was done I looked at her and said the following, “I can see the apple has not fallen far from the tree” and I turned around and walked away. My point is this, who we are… our kids will be, so fitness and conditioning should always be on the top of our list even when life seems to get in the way. So to answer the question whether or not you should be worried about your husbands, the answer is a resounding “Yes”. But remember he is doing his primary job at this point, providing for his family.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
1.5 mile run WLC 2011
As spring approaches we find our selves getting busier and busier running around like a chicken with our heads cut off. We, by this time, have losdt our focus on what we thought was so important in the beginning of the year and we don’t even use excuses anymore on why we don’t so things to get in better shape, we just stopped doing it.
Well Saturday just to jump start the Weight Loss Challengers, their task was to run 1.5 miles. This was s flat course and the goal for them was just to finish and finish well. This challenge was done to give them all a bench mark that they can shoot at and improve upon. How many of you still use weight as your fitness goal only to lose some weight and then put that weight back on plus an extra couple of pounds for measure? Well now and for the rest of their challenges my goals is for them to begin to understand that losing weight is a byproduct of them achieving a goal, a tangable goal. Something that at the end of the day can be improved upon. Once that goal, what ever it may be, is achieved then they can shoot for a better faster, quicker, stronger goal and only then will your conditioning and fitness become fun and enjoyable. They are slowly learning that.
Because of the success that they are having outside of thinking about losing weight. Because of the gaols they are achieving by their running and weight training, their weight is dropping and this week was a clear indication of that when everyone of them lost at least 1 pound this week. One of the challengers came up to me this week and said that this has become fun for her because she now knows that she could do certain things that she thought she could never do and by trying new exciting things, her weight is dropping. You all should try it.
Now for you all that think that you are too busy to get yourselves in better condition, hog-wash. I told one of the challengers the other day that it was amazing how we make time for the things that we see are most important to us and not give anytime to the things that either we don’t care about or don’t see the reason why we should improve on them. In most cases as I see it, it is not that you don’t care about your health it is that you just think it is going to be there for you, whenever you need it. Well unfortunately sooner or later for all the abuse you have put your body thru, for all the smoking or drinking you did. For all the hard fun you had (football, Rugby, Basketball, etc), at one point you will have to pay the bill and you know just as well as I, the bill never comes due when you are ready for it, it just comes.
Begin to refocus yourself just as the Weight Loss Challenge people are doing and get back to achieving the goals you set for yourself in January trust me you will thank me in the end.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I DO
Over the past few months my eyes have been open to how powerful those words are and how important family is in a person’s life. I remember when my wife was walking down the aisle and how nervous I was when we were saying our vows. At that time if you were to ask me what I just did I would have probably told you that I just got married but I really had no clue on what that really meant nor what affect it would have on the rest of my life.
In my nineteen years of being married I have come to believe that there are so many deeper aspects to love that, well, until you experience it yourself you have no clue. At first when you get married you are totally “in love” with that person. You just can’t stop being around each other and you have great dreams of a life that will be filled with happiness and very few problems. But as time goes on “love” begins to take on different forms and the definition of love changes from infatuation to commitment.
For those that have gotten married, do we really understand what the words “I DO” really mean? Do you truly understand the depth of just those two words? With my parents and my in-laws I believe I have a bit of a clue on what those words truly mean.
When you look at those two words, the word I is pretty explanatory. It is referring to you in the present and future tense. You are making a statement that is saying that YOU are going to do something and you are aware of and are will to take on the consequences of your actions. That word “I” in itself in the context of marriage is telling the other person that you are fully aware o and are of sound mind and body at the time the vows were spoken.
Then there is the word “DO” and this is an action word referring to you taking on the responsibility to do something in a non-selfish manner. Just look at the phrase “for better or for worse”, whoever put this in the marriage vows was deeper than you think because there is a lot more worse than there is better the closer and closer you get to the end of our lives and this is when that two word response is put to the test.
• When you spouse is suffering from an incurable disease, will you be there to help them thru it (I Do)
• When you’re faced with financial burdens will you both stick thru the hard times when just getting groceries becomes a chore (I Do)
• When you find out that your spouse has had an affair will you forgive them and stay in the marriage (I Do)
• When your kids act up and discipline needs to be given will you both work together to give out the discipline needed (I Do)
• When for whatever reason you or your spouse can no longer perform in an intimate way will you stay with them and love them anyway forsaking all others (I Do)
• When, because of an illness, your spouse keeps you up all night for weeks on end will you love them thru it (I Do)
• When you are away and temptation is all around you will you not give in (I Do)
• When you just don’t “like” that person anymore will you stay with them because of the commitment you made to them (I Do)
• When your spouse isn’t the same person physically you remember in high school that brought you two together will you stay with them (I Do)
I am finding out that as we age and grow older, life and love takes on a new and different meaning, the two become one. Now this is a process that takes years and I mean years to achieve and it is not done easily. Think in these terms; the reasons why most people argue in marriages is because we have our OWN wills and we want to push our will on the other person. We don’t want to give up anything we think or have for that other person. But the longer we are married the more of our will we give up because we begin to find out that in the end does that whatever really matter. Then and only then when we begin to let our will go and begin the process of selflessness do we begin the process of two becoming one. This is something that when you first get married does not exist in any form trust me I know this.
I now see that in both sets of parents. Now life isn’t easy for them. My In-laws are in the final stages of life and my mother-in-law is suffering from Dementia in a big way. They both live in a nursing home and my father-n-law may see his bride, wife of 56 years, maybe twice a week. They live in separate sections of the nursing home and after living in a 2500 square foot home their whole lives together now they have two separate dorm style rooms and no worldly possessions. I asked my Father-n-law if he still loved his wife and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Kevin I love her more now than I ever have loved her before”. Now that is powerful
With my parents, my mother is suffering with major cancer and is fighting for her life. Most of the day now she spends in her chair fast asleep and at night she spends in their room crying because of the pain she is in and every night my father rubs her back until she falls asleep . My dad doesn’t get any more than 2 hours of sleep a night at best now. While I was home I witnessed him in the middle of the night fighting sleep and rubbing her back as she laid there in pain. This went on for hours at a time every night and every night I would watch this happen. Sleeping for him has only become an option, His first priority, my mother and his wife. Just the other day she was in her chair sleeping and he looks at me and says, “There is my wife, there is my wife. I love that lady”. Wow, I was blown away with that statement and it gave me hope and understanding that as bad as it may seem on my end, life does prepare you for the worst.
Hollywood has got it wrong in a big way. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it but marriage is what you can bring to the table for the other person. It takes years for a marriage to grow and it take even more time for you to separate, independent, selfish people to become one. Go to your spouse tonight and look at them and just say, “I do” but this time really mean it.
In my nineteen years of being married I have come to believe that there are so many deeper aspects to love that, well, until you experience it yourself you have no clue. At first when you get married you are totally “in love” with that person. You just can’t stop being around each other and you have great dreams of a life that will be filled with happiness and very few problems. But as time goes on “love” begins to take on different forms and the definition of love changes from infatuation to commitment.
For those that have gotten married, do we really understand what the words “I DO” really mean? Do you truly understand the depth of just those two words? With my parents and my in-laws I believe I have a bit of a clue on what those words truly mean.
When you look at those two words, the word I is pretty explanatory. It is referring to you in the present and future tense. You are making a statement that is saying that YOU are going to do something and you are aware of and are will to take on the consequences of your actions. That word “I” in itself in the context of marriage is telling the other person that you are fully aware o and are of sound mind and body at the time the vows were spoken.
Then there is the word “DO” and this is an action word referring to you taking on the responsibility to do something in a non-selfish manner. Just look at the phrase “for better or for worse”, whoever put this in the marriage vows was deeper than you think because there is a lot more worse than there is better the closer and closer you get to the end of our lives and this is when that two word response is put to the test.
• When you spouse is suffering from an incurable disease, will you be there to help them thru it (I Do)
• When you’re faced with financial burdens will you both stick thru the hard times when just getting groceries becomes a chore (I Do)
• When you find out that your spouse has had an affair will you forgive them and stay in the marriage (I Do)
• When your kids act up and discipline needs to be given will you both work together to give out the discipline needed (I Do)
• When for whatever reason you or your spouse can no longer perform in an intimate way will you stay with them and love them anyway forsaking all others (I Do)
• When, because of an illness, your spouse keeps you up all night for weeks on end will you love them thru it (I Do)
• When you are away and temptation is all around you will you not give in (I Do)
• When you just don’t “like” that person anymore will you stay with them because of the commitment you made to them (I Do)
• When your spouse isn’t the same person physically you remember in high school that brought you two together will you stay with them (I Do)
I am finding out that as we age and grow older, life and love takes on a new and different meaning, the two become one. Now this is a process that takes years and I mean years to achieve and it is not done easily. Think in these terms; the reasons why most people argue in marriages is because we have our OWN wills and we want to push our will on the other person. We don’t want to give up anything we think or have for that other person. But the longer we are married the more of our will we give up because we begin to find out that in the end does that whatever really matter. Then and only then when we begin to let our will go and begin the process of selflessness do we begin the process of two becoming one. This is something that when you first get married does not exist in any form trust me I know this.
I now see that in both sets of parents. Now life isn’t easy for them. My In-laws are in the final stages of life and my mother-in-law is suffering from Dementia in a big way. They both live in a nursing home and my father-n-law may see his bride, wife of 56 years, maybe twice a week. They live in separate sections of the nursing home and after living in a 2500 square foot home their whole lives together now they have two separate dorm style rooms and no worldly possessions. I asked my Father-n-law if he still loved his wife and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Kevin I love her more now than I ever have loved her before”. Now that is powerful
With my parents, my mother is suffering with major cancer and is fighting for her life. Most of the day now she spends in her chair fast asleep and at night she spends in their room crying because of the pain she is in and every night my father rubs her back until she falls asleep . My dad doesn’t get any more than 2 hours of sleep a night at best now. While I was home I witnessed him in the middle of the night fighting sleep and rubbing her back as she laid there in pain. This went on for hours at a time every night and every night I would watch this happen. Sleeping for him has only become an option, His first priority, my mother and his wife. Just the other day she was in her chair sleeping and he looks at me and says, “There is my wife, there is my wife. I love that lady”. Wow, I was blown away with that statement and it gave me hope and understanding that as bad as it may seem on my end, life does prepare you for the worst.
Hollywood has got it wrong in a big way. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it but marriage is what you can bring to the table for the other person. It takes years for a marriage to grow and it take even more time for you to separate, independent, selfish people to become one. Go to your spouse tonight and look at them and just say, “I do” but this time really mean it.
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